Endings and new beginnings

I never thought I'd be saying this...

It’s 4:13am as I’m beginning to write this. I’ve been awake since 1:30, I got up and out of bed at 2:00 and have been ticking off lots of admin jobs before I go away on a cruise with Prima Magazine on Thursday. I’d had a weird dream about boarding without my passport which woke me up with a start, and then my to-do list started rattling around my head. I’m not usually this productive at this time in the morning, mainly because I’m usually asleep, but when there’s a lot going on it’s sometimes just better to get up and out of bed isn’t it?

It’s so surreal saying that I’m going on a cruise 😂 I’m teaching four embroidery workshops, which is so exciting! My friend Louise is coming along with me, and I’m meeting up with one of my oldest friends, Susie, in Cobh when we stop in Ireland next week. I’ve been working solidly the last few weeks (including prepping 120 kits for the voyage) and I can’t wait to get there now that the to-do list is almost fully ticked off.

Telling you that I’m teaching on a cruise makes it sound like everything must be going really well for my business. It’s an incredible opportunity, and I’m so grateful to be able to be a part of it! But the reality is that being self-employed has been extremely tough the last 12 months. Actually, probably the last three years if I’m honest. It’s a bit like going from one extreme to the other - when people describe running your own business like being on a rollercoaster, they’re not wrong!

One of the things I’ve learned over the years is to trust my gut and to go in a direction that feels right, even if that feels like I’m backing up on myself a bit. I did it when I had to leave my studio and shop (only one more year left on my lease - yeah!) and I know that this is another one of those times. It’s time for me to get off the rollercoaster.

About three weeks ago, we realised that financially, being self-employed was basically no longer sustainable. It’s stressful when you don’t know when you’re going to get paid for things or even if any money will come in. Sales are basically non-existent, and I have felt like I’m burning out recently. I don’t enjoy constantly pushing my wares anymore, and I feel like I’m stuck in a never ending cycle of wondering if I’ll make enough to put some money toward the bills each month, and that’s tiring. So I needed to make a decision, and that was to look for a job.

To cut a long story short, things moved very quickly over the space of a couple of weeks and I have found a full-time job. I start at the end of this month - just a few days after getting back from the cruise, actually! When we made the decision I was so sad. I spent most of the first day just sobbing because I’ve put my heart and soul into this, thrown everything at it and I dreamed of this for so long. But after a few days, I knew it was the right thing to do and I felt more positive about it all. I’m excited about working in a team again, meeting new people and having a more rigid structure to my week. It’s a term-time only job, so I’ll be able to be off in the holidays with our kids which is great.

Working full-time does mean that things need to change though, and I’ve decided that my business will be put to one side for now. Hello! Hooray! will still exist, but not in its current form. I want to get back into blogging (with no pressure), there will be newsletters here every now and again, and I’ll be sharing what I’m making for fun. I never thought I’d say this, but I’m actually looking forward to getting back to making just for me, without the pressure of having to make money from being creative. If the right project comes along that works, then I might take it up. It’s nice to not have the pressure of making money from everything I make.

I’ve still got a few commissions lined up with Love Embroidery magazine, so I’m not disappearing just yet! I’m also continuing to work with Make & Mend Co. on Make & Mend Festival - I absolutely love working with them, so I don’t want to give this up. I’ll be on socials less than I have been, mainly because I feel a big urge to be offline at the moment. I think I just need some space to breathe a little - it has been a whirlwind five years.

I’ve turned off paid subscriptions here for now. They may come back on at a later date, but that won’t happen for the foreseeable future. Thank you to everyone who has supported me in this space, or by purchasing one of my kits or books or something else from my shop. It has been so brilliant connecting with so many of you, and I’m really grateful for your support. This isn’t the end, it’s just a new beginning - not one I’d planned, but something that feels like it’s going to be a good move. I’ll be back with more creative projects, and I hope that you’ll stick around.

Clare 😊